after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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