Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
