I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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