Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
