why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
