She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
