uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
