I bet he comes in French.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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