Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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