Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
