Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
