I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
