Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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