Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
