The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
