love makes seman taste better
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He felt like a one man threesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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