i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
