i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
