the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize