I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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