This is not my ceiling
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize