Im at strip club and am horny
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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