you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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