I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love you. Go after that dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
