What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
