its not stalking. its research.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize