O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
