I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize