All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What a dumb baby whore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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