3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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