counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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