I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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