Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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