ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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