I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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