I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
