i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
