the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
