I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
