He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
