the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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