i just wanna soil my oats bro
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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