I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
