the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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