I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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