im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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