i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize