I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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