all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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