we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
