someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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