you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
