I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
