i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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