she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize