well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
