How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
