I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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