they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sobbing to NWA
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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