Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
