At least make sure they are 18
Why
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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