I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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