I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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