She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
