as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
