I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
