Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
